Friday, 22 February 2008
After the high...
I read through the script after leaving it unthought-of for a few days. Turns out it's not as good as I'd hoped.
The story is okay, and the structure works fine - only one scene needs to be moved, as far as I can tell. But what it lacks is "Funny".
Graham's lines will get a laugh, I think, but some of the other characters are less fortunate. His online friend Grant, in particular, seems to exist only to drive the story forward; he doesn't have much personality and his dialogue is mainly exposition. Or should that be expository? Whatever, he's a bit dull.
Unfortunately, there's no "Make Funny" button in the screenwriting software I use, so I guess I'm going to have to work out how to fix it on my own.
And while I'm about it, I can fix the grammar in the excerpt above. Obviously, the last line should be "I do have those."