Friday, 20 June 2008

A critique of the pilot script

Finally, months after writing the third-ish draft of the half-hour pilot episode, I've received some useful feedback from one of the people I sent it to. My friend who is a Famous English Comedian writes:

"A storyline where Graham puts a webcam in a girl's bedroom and then wanks at the end might be a bit pervy as a pilot episode."

He's absolutely right; Graham does sound a bit like a monster when the story is summed up like that. In the script I'd tried to balance it so that the audience would at times feel sorry for him, but maybe I didn't pull it off.

The Famous Comedian also offered some valuable advice about the editing of Graham's dialogue, which I'll take into account when I write an entirely new pilot episode with a totally different, hopefully-acceptable-to-TV-execs storyline.


That Mean Whelp said...

Thats cool man, but if your not gonna use that story line for the tv show, at least put it on youtube for us fans, i'd love to see that online.

Mike said...

I'm not junking the script. Just means it would be better if that episode came later in the (totally hypothetical) series.

That Mean Whelp said...