Saturday, 28 February 2009

Topical comedy

I submitted some sketches to BBC radio this week, as a kind of writer's audition for a new topical/satirical comedy show they're about to launch. Turns out it's quite difficult making funny out of the news.

Here's one of the sketches that guarantees I won't be invited to submit any more. Relevant news commentary is here.

SOUND: CLATTER AND CHUFF OF A STEAM TRAIN; WE ARE INSIDE ONE OF THE CARRIAGES. A WOODEN DOOR SLIDES OPEN.

GUARD
The body is in here, Monsieur Poirot...

POIROT
Ouf! What a mess! Do we know who it is?

GUARD
Yes, Detective. It is the body of a Mr Fred Goodwin.

POIROT
The former chief executive of the Royal Bank Of
Scotland...

GUARD
The very same. I’m no forensics expert, Monsieur
Poirot, but he would appear to have been stabbed.

POIROT
Yes. Yes, and if I’m not mistaken... It looks as though
he’s been stabbed around about sixty million times.

GUARD
Ah. That’s interesting.

POIROT
Do you know something, Monsieur le ticket inspecteur?

GUARD
It may be a coincidence, but... A group of about sixty
million people boarded the train in Istanbul. As I
recall, they said they were the entire population of
Great Britain.

POIROT
Then there’s our motive. Which carriage are they in?

GUARD
I’m afraid they all disembarked at Belgrade.

POIROT
Ah well. Just blame it on a teenager then.

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