Sunday, 25 April 2010

Vatican Tycoon


Sometimes I write scripts and record them and do a load of artwork and then decide that the result isn't funny, so the video never gets finished. The image above was made for a strategy game Graham was playing called "Vatican Tycoon".

Trouble is, nothing I could write could match the sheer incredible-ness of what Vatican spokesmen were actually coming out with in real life, day after day, so the video was abandoned.

Here's the script:

GRAHAM

Hi. Yeah, the reason I haven't made many videos in a while is that I've been busy playing this very addictive game called Vatican Tycoon...

It's a sort of simulation, strategy game.. Bit like the Sims, but with more exorcism and pederasty. You take on the role of a character called The Pope, and you have to manage your global empire, keeping it financially solvent and dealing with various crises as they arise.

The game is actually much easier in the early stages... during the medieval period, for instance, if anybody questions any of your decisions you can just set them on fire, but it gets more complex as you move into the modern era...

A SOUND FROM THE COMPUTER

Uh oh!

IN GAME ADVISOR

I have grave news, your Eminence.

GRAHAM

Oop, here's an urgent warning coming up. Let's check what it says...


GRAHAM

Yeah, you see, this is the problem with this game. Your enemies are far too powerful, and they're always doing things that have a negative effect on your Moral Credibility rating, which in the long run affects your income, and it's very hard to know how to deal with the constant attacks. Um.. Let's look at the possible responses to this...

9 comments:

Brian said...

I can see why you gave up though its a shame after all that work. Its like shooting fish in a barrel , easy but a bit pointless

BertR_Dimarco223965 said...

It's great!!.............................................

Khyan said...

Such a shame. The game looks amazing. And most of the script is really funny.

Mike Booth said...

It just felt a bit "on the nose", as the script editors say.

But the game would be great, I'd play it.

LesFleurs said...

What is the best responce that scores the most points?

rewboss said...

I don't imagine it's that simple, LesFleurs. There are pros and cons with all the options:

- Blame the Devil: Simple, doesn't cost too many Credibility Points, but less effective as time goes on. By the modern era, it's pretty much ineffectual.

- Criticise the media: A better option for the modern era, and may actually earn you Sympathy Points. The risk of a Paparazzi Revenge Attack is very great, though, and it's best used only when your Skeleton-to-Cupboard Ratio is fairly low.

- Compare accusers to the Nazis: There is always the danger of one of your enemies invoking Godwin's Law here. And if you have chosen a character with a Hitler Youth background -- Joe Ratzinger, for example -- liable to backfire.

- All of the above: Only n00bs choose this option. They think it trebles their firepower, but it also wipes out all their Credibility Points and tends to lose you most of your allies.

Mike Booth said...

Excellent analysis, rewboss.

The game is beginning to seem pretty unwinnable. But then you can never discount the possibility of an Act of God.

philippe said...

shame, it would have been a good video, but even as a blog it's a laugh.
...but you missed out one option "blame the second vatican council"

philippe said...

...coincidentally, with brady still clinging on to his monsignore title, there´s still some mileage in this one ...
see http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/may/18/irish-cardinal-defies-calls-resign-abuse